Note to self:  Falling asleep with a lot of anger may result in waking up in a panic.

And a new journey begins…

I would have just taken a cool shower, lounged in my room a bit, then moved to the living room to veg out until bbq’s started up.

This year, though, I am going with the flow…doing whatever I can/whatever others are

*sigh*

Why does it feel like every time I talk with my mom, she has just gotten back from some memorial service for one of my relatives… :/

I miss you all…I miss you so much…

I want to go to your doorstep, ring your door, and tell you how much I love hate you.

I know there are a handful of people who have influenced my life TREMENDOUSLY.  I can’t even use words to describe just how much they have done so…the best I can say is that they have been influential above and beyond the extent of helping me follow through with major decisions I have made in my life.

I’ll save the listing for when I am feeling more emotional on the subject…but this post is for something more important.

One of the major influences in my life was my High School Band director.  I knew him for just 4 years, but he helped me through some of the hardest years of my life.  He taught me life lessons and gave me great advice, he pushed me farther and harder than anyone had before, he helped me become ME.  As Senior year was coming to an end, I knew I needed to repay this man in some way, but I had not a clue what I could do that was even close to sufficient.  So I did the best thing that came to mind:  I wrote how I felt about his influence on my life simply, and on a 1” torn segment of a piece of paper.  It was three lines, at most, and I don’t even remember what I wrote on it.  When I got to conduct the Honors Band (Wind Ensemble), I left the slip of paper on the podium for him to find when he came on.  And he did, and he thanked me afterwards … he was touched, and I was happy I was able to show him, at least a little, how I felt.

…

I went to my High School concert today, the main reason I wanted to be back home today (and not stay at the Frat for a while), and I walked into the dark auditorium with my best friend.  My band director was right there, and he turned around and saw my best friend (I was slightly hidden behind a flag) and he waved [nothing special…he knew my best friend, but that was the extent of that].  He turned around again a few minutes later, and this time actually saw me.  He motioned me over, shook my hand, asked me how I was.  Since the concert was going on, the conversation was brief.  But he said to me, right before I left to be with my friend again, “I keep this in my best pocket every time” and he pulled out a small slip of paper with a paper-clip on it.  He unfolded it, and sure enough it was the note I left him.

I don’t know what value that note has to him, but obviously it does.  And I feel like it is similar to how he may not know the exact influence he has had on me, but he definitely knows he has had one.  

I’m just glad to know that I made something of an impact as his student, even though it isn’t probably nearly as much as he did on me when he was teaching me a whole lot more than just music.

Lose Weight, because I definitely packed on more than a couple pounds this year.

I feel like I could express myself better through comics and such.  Meh.

Still lonely, and I know there won’t be a solution to that issue for at least 2 more months.

“If you snore, that means you are fat.” … “I’ve never heard of any other case.”

“Fucking, waking up at 8AM like a 4th grader”

[more to come?]